No Respite

Just another ordinary day.

You’re in a land far away.

I wait by the phone

Thinking I might receive a call

But, all I ever hear is the

Distant sound of a squall,

Beating down the window panes.

You chose to move to another shore

Looking for another love.

I sit here patiently, knowing

You will never find another dove.

You walk street after burning street,

Looking for a respite from the memory

Of that kiss that still blazes your lips,

While the ashes whirl up and choke you.

The more you run, the more you’ll be haunted

By the devastation left in your wake.

In the agonised valley where you rally

Between love and hate, the hours and days

Pile up between a rock and a faraway place.

Regret is a very loaded word,

Strongly felt by those who cannot forgive.

In my mind, I called myself to make up

For the call that never came.

The happiness that I have will take

You a lifetime to arrive at.

Keep running my friend,

From yourself till you’re ready

To face the man in the mirror

And accept your share of grace.

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Posted in Daily Life, Emotions, Experiences, healing, lessons, Life, longing, Love, melancholy, Memories, Musings, Nostalgia, poem, Poetry, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Relationships, Rumination, Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Crash & Burn

I’d heard your voice at the other end of the line.

And in that very first instance,

My heart had sunk.

I knew that an inexplicable connect

Ran through our veins.

I could hide from you, but I could never run.

I chose to ignore the warnings of my gut.

Instead, I went crashing into your open arms,

Only to fall flat on my face when your heart

Could not expand to hold all of me.

And, when my face touched the ground

I could smell my hair burning with the

dying embers of your cigarette stub.

I crash, burn and resurrect myself

every single goddam time because

I know that men like you belong only

to yourselves and the Universe.

And, yet I know that the melancholic story

will repeat itself, unless blood runs its course,

And, I learn the lesson that the wheels of life

Intend to teach me.

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Winter is Dead

Cover of leaves

Swaying outside the window

As my mind sways Inside.

The wind on my face is soft

And tousles my hair ever so gently.

The lone thrush calls out plainly

And stops to listen when I mimic it.

A brightly speckled butterfly

Hovers above my head

Looking for the right perching spot.

In the distance, the phone beeps,

Breaking the lull.

I cannot be bothered to move.

The abounding peace is too infectious.

Meanwhile, an intense afternoon sunlight

Streams in from the West,

I look at the gold shaded drapes

And realise that Winter is dead.

Posted in Daily Life, Experiences, healing, lessons, Life, melancholy, Musings, My Life, Nature, poem, Poetry, Random pieces of Moi, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Rumination, Seasons, Thoughts, Winter | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Moulting

Sunset skies, a dash of drama,

Splashing a palatte of water colours on the horizon.

An early Spring evening turns palpable

As twilight streams out through the clouds.

Eucalyptus trees swing in the wind.

A flock of cranes follow an airplane.

I watch a bus snaking its way in the valley below.

My zen is broken by the husband

Walking in from his game of cricket,

Brandishing a moulted snake skin

That he found when fetching a ball in the field.

Startled and disgusted, I recoil out of fear.

But an inner voice reminded me that

I also need to shed some old skin

To experience the new life that awaits me.

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A Grateful Heart

It is the last day of the year.

I lie in bed watching the shadowy length

Of the winter sun intertwine and flicker

Like a vintage movie being projected on the wall.

It tricks the mind much like the year that was.

The nippy air makes me want to curl up

Under the blankets like a lazy cat,

Procrastinating on the chores at hand.

My mind slips into an endless soliloquy

On the impact of gratitude and grace.

The year that went by was not an easy one.

It forced me to appreciate the power of prayer,

To let go of what no longer served purpose.

I was torn between countries and situations.

At times, I was too flustered to know my bearings.

Home became a much abused word,

And, I had to learn to be grateful through

Some tough lessons for what did not come to pass.

I came to appreciate the challenges

That were my Karma to overcome,

And not be envious of other people’s blessings.

I remember an especially tormented night

When I prayed to the Universe

To take away all that troubled me,

Little did I know that it would mean letting you go.

But let go I did, and a thousand little miracles

Have cropped up to fill that vaccum left by you.

This past year has served up as a reminder

To feel gracious for the unknown blessings that

Have dropped their roots around me

Holding my mind and body together with invisible silken threads.

A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles.

Posted in blessings, Daily Life, Emotions, Experiences, grateful heart, gratitude, healing, lessons, Life, longing, Love, melancholy, Memories, Musings, My Life, Nostalgia, poem, Poetry, Random pieces of Moi, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Relationships, Spirituality, Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lessons in Taking

I remember as a little girl I overfed the gold fish. It died.

I was heartbroken because I did not know what I had done wrong. I thought I must go on giving endlessly.

Growing up, I had to relearn that lesson. Relearn that living beings are equally susceptible to indigestion from an overkill of attention, as to starvation.

People always take if you are willing to give, but do they give back food to nourish your soul or theirs?

It was a hard lesson, and I am still learning. Especially hard, because it goes against my natural grain. I was taught to give, never to take.

But life is all about that push and pull. You need to know when to give and when to hold back.

That’s what happy, healthy relationships are all about. Give and take. Barter. That’s the crux on which every ancient civilisation has survived and thrived. But somewhere we lost the lesson.

We need to be taught that Take is not such a bad word. In order to be well, you must take.

Let go of years of conditioning and take what nourishes your soul. Grab it by the horns but, know when to stop taking. Take till it satiates you, and know when to push back.

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The Gift of Unanswered Prayers

Pale amber sunlight lengthens its shadows across a day that seems more autumnal than wintry.

There is something incredibly sad when dried up leaves carpet the ground and the trees stand bare, stripped off all shades of dignity.

I feel nostalgic for the greenery of summer, but I am reminded that the coming spring will make new leaves grow.

Seasons change and that is the only constant. Especially in a world where all feeling is fleeting.

I did not think I would ever forget you. But, I did. Actually I rarely remember you. It struck me this afternoon when I was soaking in the last rays of the sun that the sunset hues no longer bleed my heart.

There was a time when every sunset was a stab at my heart because I missed you and couldn’t have you. I did not want our story to end. I wanted it etched on stone so that it dare not fade.

But, sometimes one must give thanks for unanswered prayers. The ways of the Universe are smarter than we give it credit for.

I did not even notice that somewhere along the way I stopped caring. I have healed and now I know that letting go difficult as it was, was perhaps the best thing that happened to me.

I do not mourn you anymore. I cannot even fathom why I loved you ever. Do soul mates outgrow each other when their purpose is served or lessons learnt?

Perhaps, that is true. I hope I do not ever see you in any direction of time. I am too busy and grateful for other chances that I had ignored for so long.

So go in peace. I hope you find happiness. I am too busy being happy to feel sad for you. Anymore.

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